Hellboy: The Board Game Video Review

The super-duper giant-sized box

Frogs. Why's it always frogs? Like, what I gotta do to get a day off from all of this shit. Even if it's just one lazy Sunday afternoon where I can kick back with Liz and the cats, crack open a few cold ones and help myself to a supersized bowl of nachos and watch the game like my good constitutional rights dictate. But no, every....freakin...<squish!>...time - it's that Monday morning feeling even on a...freakin...<squish!>..Sunday.

Yeah, I know I'm ranting but back at the ranch the Saints are takin' on the Steelers and I'm down in this freakin...<squish!>...sewer with Abe getting my good boots all dirty with frog guts.

I mean, there are other agents too y'know. The BPRD hauls their asses through all those training exercises all week long and for what? So they can lay back and chug coffee and donuts while us freaks o' nature head on down the dark and damp? Aah but we 'special'. Yipee-ka-freakin-yay.
Why not bring in the other specials like Roger or Daimio? But no...good old church-going Daimio gets to visit with his senorita on a Sunday and Roger...well, they don't really let him out of his room much.

Look Ma, 3 Hellboys!

Of course, it's always Manning. Some or other crisis about some or other cultists or awakened vampire or some troll with a drinking problem and hey...it's Big Red and Abe...up for a fun frog-filled afternoon. And Manning really needs to cut the whole patriotic bullshit. My cigars are Cuban, my guns are German and I get my trench coats from a sweet old Chinese lady over in Queens. Heck, half our team ain't even American.

But in the end, it's normally the Professor that really hits the mark y'know. He just has that way with words: "Inaction is just as bad, if not worse my dear boy. If we choose not to act and not use our inherent abilities for the good, then are we any better than those that deem our inevitable fates as for the path of evil?"

How in the heck do ya say no to that?

And trust Liz to add the icing on the cake by givin' me the old whisper: "Get back early and there'll be pancakes...in bed...."

So here I am, chasing down a giant frog monster on a Sunday afternoon with Abe Sapien in the hope that not giving in to the path of evil means a path to pancakes and Liz. Wudda preferred Liz to be here though. This place is damp and cold and Liz...well Liz is like a walking fireplace.
And she smells better. 
I mean, I got nothin' against Abe but that rotten eggs thing... man I gotta get this guy into cheeseburgers or something. Well, I am glad it ain't Kraus. I don't mind the German agent and all his ectoplasmic spookiness but his constant freakin' Sherlock bullshit really irks me off. Like we'd get to a secret door or ancient ruin and out comes the freakin' history lesson when all I wanna do is get home.

Ah well, giant frog monster spotted hiding in a cave. Time to load-out and get this over with. Hey Abe, remind me again....why do we do this shit?
"Because there are creatures that go bump in the night. And we're the ones that bump back."

Right....time to bump. There's pancakes awaiting....


Components: 9
Setup: 9
Gameplay: 9
Replayability: 8
Theme: 9

Overall Score: 9