Fatherhood

On Fatherhood:

Of all the great many joys in the world, truly fatherhood occupies a seat right up top along with all the other great things like a perfect cup of coffee, wooly socks and freshly baked scones lathered in cream and honey.

It's one of the fewer occupations that require very little input at the start apart from say producing a few hundred million sperm cells gleefully swimming upstream to fertilize a somewhat bashful egg.

But the output after 9 or so months is arguably the most remarkably miraculous moment of your existence. That moment when you realize just how wonderful and truly great the Hands of God works as you witness the moment of birth.

That said, it isn't quite uncommon for some to have witnessed the great moment from below the operating table, owing to a case of jellykneetitus, a common ailment for new fathers. Luckily, I was spared of such ailments, in part I'm convinced, due to a sturdy set of sea legs and and a overly curious nature.

But that moment, that great, amazingly beautiful moment when you hold your child for the very first time, when you pick her up and feel that tiny bundle of life, of pure exhilarating joy, of achievement, of pride, of...well..of everything!! Nothing prepares you quite for it and nothing ever will.

Yes, everything, because that I suppose is what fatherhood is. It's everything.

It's in the way their tiny hands feel, in acknowledging their vulnerability. It's in watching their eyes open and stare out at the world in amazement just as your eyes stares inward at the amazement that is your child. It's in that first gurgle, the little hiccups, the burping phases and that feeling of their little selves snuggling up on your neck.

It's in their cries, the late nights and dealing with colic and cramps as their fragile little bodies adjust to this new and crazy world.

It's in their smiles and sighs of contentment after a good drink of milk and a few happy burps. It's in clinic visits and eyeballing the nurse with murderous eyes as she administers those initial vaccinations and you hide your tears at the sight of that needle.

It's in watching them grow so quickly within those first few months, in coming home from work everyday and realizing that your infant is now almost a toddler, all terms we humans use to distinguish the different phases of time as is passes us by so very swiftly.

It's in that sense of pride as they blurt out their first words of "Dada" and then the giggle circus that ensues as they discover even more words such as "Mama", "Doodoo" and, of course, "Skywalker".

It's in their first steps, their first holiday, their first splash in the pool and their first wiggle with the waves along the coast. It's in their first discovery of chocolate and the lesson all parents learn at some point or another: Keep the sweety cupboard up high.

It's the little joys of favorite foods, books and TV shows and dancing together to ABCs, Elmo and Metallica.

It's the act of parenting and the first reprimand and the feeling of guilt at their sad little faces. It's the waiting till mommy is not around and quickly giving them another block of chocolate, or an extra 5 minutes play time and the hugs and kisses that follow as they realize the hold and power they have over you, their dad.

 

It's in their first school days and the tears that always comes with it, in watching them appear even smaller now that they are growing up.

It's in movie nights and popcorn, cozy blankets and silly laughs, the looks on their faces as they discover Hogwarts and Middle Earth, Galaxies far away and animated classics.

It's in reading to them at night and putting in an effort to "do the voices", hearing their giggles burst out as Charlie discovers the wonders of the chocolate factory.

It's in leading them in prayer and the constant reminder to be thankful for what we have and of our purpose on earth to serve Allah and to obey the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him).

It's in showing them that a home is a place of love and happiness and that in OUR home, stereotypes are a thing unheard of. In showing them that Dads much like Mums can also cook, clean and do chores and that each is equal yet unique and special in their own way.

It's in lazy Sunday brunches and afternoon drives, in french toasts and syrup and picnics just for fun. It's in instilling core values of gratitude, charity, hospitality, empathy, respect and honesty.

It's in being their dad, teaching but also learning at the same time, because they have so much more to teach us than we can ever really prepare for.

It's in knowing that you can never really get it right no matter how hard you try and that fatherhood at times, is not a set of instructions written in stone. It's in knowing that you won't always be able to figure it out but that their hearts are so full of love and forgiveness that they overlook all your shortcomings.

It's in watching them grow up even further from children to adolescents and having to lift your jaw from the ground as their views of the world astounds you.

It's when the teaching becomes a discussion and you share your opinions and debates, when solving the unsolvable becomes possible and you realize that they will become forerunners of change. And all of this around the table with a hearty bowl of soup as the winter rages on.

It's the fear of knowing that the world has dark places and that there are people in it with dark purposes. It's in assuring them that it's okay to be afraid, that we all share the same fears and worries and anxieties. It's in staring in amazement at their faces as they attempt to unravel all the world's problems from racism to wars to plagues to violence, gender equality to climate issues, politics and government. 

It's in their fierce bravery at challenging the norms of society and the pride at how much their independence reminds me of their mom.

It's in their screams of "DAAADDY" whenever one of nature's little critters decides to happen upon their rooms and their looks of absolute horror as I chase them around the house with a gecko or little spider.

It's in  watching in wonder as they absorb so much of both Mom and Dad from geekery to health, exercise and discipline and in accepting that they have now become their own.

It's in wanting to always be overprotective because that is what we do. Because the world has bad people in it and you have a duty to keep them safe at all times.

It's in realizing that you cannot hold on to them forever.

It's in letting them go and watching from a distance at how they interact with the world and with people, in how they are able to distinguish right from wrong, in how they make their choices and how the evolve as humans. 

It's in assuring them that it's okay to not always get everything right, that being perfect means accepting the imperfections and that you can only really achieve balance by understanding and welcoming the fluctuations. It's in embracing change and letting them know that stagnation and dormancy are the paths of the ignorant and that we must always be ready to adapt and willing to step out of our comfort zones as this is what allows us to truly grow.

It's in allowing them to rage, to rage and rage and cry and fume and get angry and vexed. To let them shout at the hostility of it all, to scream at the world, to want freedom for the oppressed and alms for the poor and needy. To let them cry and vent their emotions for in tears there is also healing.

It's in assuring them that you're always there, ready with a bowl of their favorite ice cream for when the inner turmoil subsides.

It's in watching their eyes roll at your attempts of humor but with the constant reminder that you Dad jokes are always funny when it becomes apparent.

It's in making them aware that our time on this plane of existence is but temporary and that we are but travellers in this world and that our true meeting place is up there, in the gardens and amongst the streams of crystal waters along with all of our beloved ones that have long passed.

It's in reminding then again to have faith in Allah and uphold the dignity of your religion and and that while we are in this world for a short time, make it a beautiful time and do good, for goodness and truth must inevitably triumph over falsehood. 

This is only some of what Fatherhood is.

But to put it simply, it really is everything.

By Uzair Parker