The Dungeon Master's Diary: The Perils of Firestorm Peak

 

Firestorm Peak was once home to Splendor, the greatest of all the Dwarven kingdoms in the Not-So-Forgotten realms. Ah Splendor, what a marvelous sight to behold! All the riches of all the realms was found therein. Mountains of gold, priceless gems, rubies, diamonds and goodness gracious great balls of sapphire. 

The Kingdom was ruled by Tharn, son of Thune, son of Thupiter, who had a lisp and was President under the Peak. The wealth of this mighty Dwarven city was unparalleled in the days of yore and many kingdoms would visit, eager to engage in trade and commerce with this very lucrative Fortune 500 world-renowned jewel industry.

The Dwarves were a merry bunch back in them old days, always eager for a laugh, an ale and a profitable sale. And their hospitality was legendary! Yes, even Elves were welcome in Splendor and there would be ice cold ginger beer and roaring fires with ripe, grass-fed wagyu-class Kobe-grade meat off the bone.

However, Canderel, King of the Elves, warned King Tharn not to dig too deeply as fracking was a to-be geological disaster and digging too deep could awake all sorts of evil and environmental infringements. But alas, where there's an itch, a Dwarve will scratch and so they digged and digged until...they uncovered the Milestones!

The heart of the mountain, gems of brilliant opulence and reverence which brought unto Firestorm Peak even greater renown and sanctified Splendor as the greatest Kingdom in all the lands. But gems of such radiance and achievement also carries with it a great danger and often evil is called to all things bright, shiny and overachieved.

Thus it was that Ashardalon, a giant evil red fire drake from the North, was drawn to vast treasures of the mountain and set his evil gaze upon it with lustful want. Ashardalon seized the great wealth of the Dwarves and laid ruin to the city of Splendor, claiming all its riches for himself in a hostile takeover with non-negotiable retrenchments. Alas, the Milestones were taken and hidden deep within the vaults of the peak and the Dwarves were driven from their homes, wandering the realms and unemployment offices with no Capex and no backup cloud storage. Orcs, Abberants, Tax Auditors and all manner of fell creatures converged upon Firestorm Peak at the bidding of the great Ashardalon.

Years passed and the mountain lay dormant under the watchful eye of a slumbering dragon, its hordes closely guarded. But now, with the trade embargo lifted and post-pandemic travel commencing again, two startup companies - one funded by "Brothers of Beard" and the other by "Gem In Eye Global", have risen up to reclaim the Milestones from the heart of the mountain and put an end to the wretched worm once and for all! Oh and meet their impending deadlines before close period and Christmas leave of course. 🐲⛰️🐲⛰️🐲⛰️

The Grand Scheme:

Now, imagine the chaotic uproar of our Friday night D&D caper! Picture this: I decided to flip the script completely on my brave yet blunder-prone gang of Dungeoneers. After witnessing their bewildering victories in my previous campaigns (see: Delving into the Depths of the Underdark and Ravenloft Ruckus), primarily thanks to their uncanny knack for turning my dungeon into a circus of absurdity, I hatched an even more ludicrous plan.

Rather than another cooperative dungeon crawl, I split the party into two teams and threw them into a frenzied race through the dungeon, all in pursuit of those elusive "milestones."

My goal? To redeem myself as a Dungeon Master and hopefully witness some of my beloved adventurers fall victim to their own tomfoolery. You see, after countless times of witnessing their unshakable resolve in the face of my devious plots (if you can even call them that), I pondered, "Could I concoct a scheme absurd enough to trip them up? A tactical twist perhaps?!" My brilliant idea was quite straightforward: by setting them against each other, I figured, surely, at least a few would slip on their own banana peels this time. Right? Right?

Plus, they had somehow managed to survive encounters with a Dracolich and a Balor and lived to recount their harrowing escapades to their unsuspecting grandkids. It was high time they faced a genuinely formidable foe. And what's a Dungeons and Dragons adventure without the wild card of a fire-breathing Dragon? Behold, Ashardalon, the fearless. Ashardalon, the valiant (or so he thinks). Ashardalon, the mightiest calamity and quite the hoarder of shiny trinkets. So, without further ado, let the bedlam begin!

uZ: Kudos to Jaun for being our avid photographer for the evening.

The Comical Character Conundrum:

As for the hero selection process, picture the mayhem as we assembled two teams, each with three heroes, and a cornucopia of zany choices from both Ashardalon and Ravenloft. Now, let's dive into the riotous lineup.

First up, we have Team A, affectionately nicknamed the "Holy Moleys" (and fear not, the explanation is on its way). This valiant trio consisted of a Dragonborn fighter, a Dwarf cleric, and a Dragonborn Wizard. But here's where the hilarity ensues: we were down a few players, one recovering in a hospital bed (not due to any dungeoneering-related injuries, I promise 😜), and the other tangled up in the chaotic web of family responsibilities. This left one of the Holy Moleys to valiantly double up as both the cleric and the wizard, complete with an Indian accent. Jolly good!

On the flip side, we have the "Jollified Jellybeans," a splendid band featuring a Human paladin, an Elf ranger, and an Eladrin wizard. The stage was set for a madcap showdown, with these two equally balanced teams vying for a chance at victory in the whimsical dungeon race.

The Dizzy Dungeon Design:

Now, let's talk about the dungeon itself. Picture a deliberately symmetric labyrinth, where both teams kick-started their manic journey at opposite ends. They meandered through circular passageways and encountered the ominous Horrid and Dire chambers on their way to the coveted center of the dungeon. Here, amidst the chaos, lay the vault tile, guarding two precious gems - the elusive milestones.

The quest was straightforward: retrieve your milestone first and high-tail it out of the dungeon for sweet victory. But here's the kicker - teams had to escape from the side opposite to where they entered. And just when you thought it couldn't get any wilder, these teams were free to engage in some brutal warfare with each other.

Oh, and to keep things extra spicy, I sprinkled in some mini bosses along each route. Meet the Kobold Dragonlord and the Orc Shaman, here to add an extra layer of mayhem to the madness. And if a team reached their chamber (whether it was Dire or Horrid), they'd have to dip their hands into my dice bag, which held four potential "big boss" villains to choose from - Ashardalon, the Gauth, the Ottyugh, and the Rage Drake. Roll the dice, and let the laughter-filled chaos ensue!

Sheer Mayhem:

Now, let's talk madness, my favorite part. I tossed those gleaming treasure tokens all over the map, like crumbs for hungry adventurers. But, oh, the catch! Once a brave soul picked up one of these treasure tokens, they had to roll the infamous "madness die" (a D6). The madness began when they made a choice - would they call "even" or "odd"? If their call didn't sync up with the dice's decision, well, they got a little souvenir: a +1 to insanity.

And what happens when a group of hearty adventurers hits an insanity score of 6? Let the fun begin 😀 They go positively bonkers, turning their weapons on their own teammates in fits of delirium. Yes, the idea was to create a sort of "dragon's treasure madness," and I gleefully incorporated this Hobbit-inspired twist into the story. It was all about embracing the chaos, you see.

But, alas, no one succumbed to insanity. Except me. The dice gods are a fickle bunch, and they surely had their fun that day.

Havoc Unleashed:

And here we go! The adventure kicked off in the most delightfully devious and fiendishly beautiful way. I, your humble Dungeon Master, set the stage with my dice rolls, and oh boy, they were on fire! Hits of 14+ came raining down, and life ebbed away from both teams in a grand spectacle of glorious gore and wonderful wounds.

As our intrepid adventurers embarked on their quest, they couldn't resist grabbing a few of those tempting treasure tokens. Unfortunately, they managed to keep their marbles intact. But, of course, I had a few more tricks hidden up my sleeves - which, mind you, are suspiciously long.

In no time at all, the Jollified Jellybeans bumped into their first mini-boss: the notorious Kobold Dragonlord. Alongside a handful of heavy monsters and encounters, the Jellybeans had their first casualty. Their jolly wizard experienced a gloriously gruesome mauling - a sight to behold, I must say.

Over on the other team, it was no walk in the park either. They faced several monster spawns, including a truly terrifying 3-monster ordeal, and the Orc Shaman mini-boss didn't make things any easier.

As fate would have it, Lady Luck smiled upon them when their dragonborn fighter drew a particular treasure card. It was a rather unexpected find - "secret tunnel"! And so began the frantic "molling through the hole" dash by the Holey Moley team toward the dungeon's heart, where they hoped to claim their bright and shiny milestone gem.

Of course, they weren't in the clear just yet. They still had to navigate through the Dire Chamber, which stood as a daunting challenge between them and freedom. But the lure of treasure and victory fueled their frantic escape.

The Jellybeans, however, were not to be outdone. They spotted a significant loophole in my dungeon setup: why not take out the opposing team's cleric, who happened to be carrying the precious stone, and then simply pick up the stone from the cleric's lifeless remains and waltz on out? Using the same secret tunnel, of course. The result? A darkly delightful twist that would put a grin on any trickster's face!

But there's more! When the Jellybean Paladin set foot in that chamber, it triggered a boss battle. Drawing from my treacherous dice bag, can you believe it? The Paladin drew none other than Ashardalon! Now, with a colossal Red Dragon and a trio of hardened adventurers standing between them and freedom, the Moleys were in for a wild ride. They attempted attacks, counters, evasions, and even a desperate quest to escape Ashardalon's wrath. My dice rolls, however, were utterly abysmal, with Ashardalon's teeth in dire need of a root canal due to some shockingly ineffective bites. That dragon truly should consider flossing.

In the end, the Moleys managed to break through the Jellybeans' defenses. As fate would have it, the Jellybean Paladin also made a mad dash toward the center of the dungeon and retrieved their milestone gem. I must admit to an oversight on my part: the end-game dynamics were a tad wonky due to the Moley's decision not to use a healing surge to revive their Indian-speaking Wizard. This gave them an unfair advantage in reaching their dungeon's end faster. As a result, the Moleys claimed victory. Yet, all in all, it was a unique and thoroughly entertaining dungeon experience for both teams.

Our next adventure awaits in mid-November, promising something the veterans in our group have yet to experience. Join us as I lead them through an epic escapade in the Jungles of Chult and the enigmatic Tomb of Annihilation!